Ends of Being and ideal Grace
by josicuervo
Summary: Chloe must pick up the pieces of her life after learning that her husband is a dillhole. Lex helps, of course, because that’s what Lex does. nods
1. Chapter One: an accidental aberration

**Chapter One: an accidental aberration **

_ENOUGH ! we're tired, my heart and I._

_We sit beside the headstone thus,_

_And wish that name were carved for us._

_The moss reprints more tenderly_

_The hard types of the mason's knife,_

_As heaven's sweet life renews earth's life_

_With which we're tired, my heart and I._

She didn't know the exact moment when things had begun to change.

Looking back she's certain there must've been signs. She's not sure if she just missed them due to her naiveté or if perhaps they hadn't been obvious at all, but she thinks there must've been something.

But she was certain that for a while she'd been as happy as she'd ever dreamed. Proved that fairy tales do exist.

Or perhaps that ignorance is indeed bliss.

Newly married to a loving, wonderful man, she had a great career and more happiness to look forward to in the years to come. She'd overcome years of cynicism to get where was and she'd felt beyond blessed to have what she did. Felt that in some way she'd finally earned the right to be happy.

But somewhere along the way it had all gone terribly wrong. And she didn't have a clue as to when, how or why it had happened.

Chloe had met Jack during her first year of college. He was tall, well over six feet, with thick blonde hair and deep blue eyes, and a lithe body that would catch the attention of a nun. He was older than her, a grad student at the time, and he'd treated her with more kindness and respect than she'd ever gotten before. And she liked it. A lot.

They'd hung out often and quickly became good friends. But before long things had escalated beyond friendship because Jack had started to treat her like no other man had.

Like that of a desirable, beautiful woman.

At first Chloe had been leery of the shift in Jack's attentions. She'd put him off for over a month, refusing his date invites and making sure to never be alone with him. It wasn't that she didn't like him, she did. She was just naturally wary due to many years of being led on and disappointed. She'd always been disappointed. That was a given.

By the time she'd finally accepted his request for a date, she'd been sure his advances were real. Was certain that he sincerely wanted her for herself and didn't consider her to be a mere conquest or another notch in his bedpost. Had finally talked herself into taking the chance that she wasn't wrong about him.

He'd taken her to a nice restaurant, was attentive and charming for the entire evening. Made sure she knew exactly what kind of relationship he wanted with her. Something honest and real. Long-term. Forever.

At first his declaration had worried her, but as the night progressed she'd realized that he was just being honest with her and there was nothing to be frightened of. It was something that was completely new to her but she'd been determined to give it a chance. Didn't want to be a coward and lose something that could be wonderful.

She'd fucked his brains out later that night.

Her animalistic behavior had surprised him. He'd asked to walk her back to her dorm, but she'd requested that they continue on to his place, using the excuse of wanting to learn more about him by scoping out his environment. He'd laughed, agreeing that you can tell a lot about someone by checking out the way they lived.

Maybe that was the first sign she missed.

He'd lived in a nice two bedroom apartment, in a nice neighborhood not far from Met U. The place had seemed normal enough, neat and clean with nice furnishings and a few paintings on the walls.

Thinking back on it she realized that it was perhaps too clean. Too neat. The paintings on the walls too expensive for a simple graduate student.

The door had barely closed before she was on him, pressing him back against the door and claiming his mouth with hers. He'd gasped as his head connected with the door and she'd taken advantage of his shock by plunging her tongue between his teeth, exploring the hot depths of his mouth as she wanted.

It had only taken a few moments for him to catch on. He'd grabbed her, pulling her tight against his body and quickly switching their positions. He'd pressed her against the door, his hand cupping the back of her head as he'd devoured her mouth.

She didn't back down, her lips and tongue and teeth just as demanding as his. She'd given as good as she got, rubbing her breasts on his chest and her hip on the bulge in his pants, letting her body tell him what she wanted.

He'd grunted a lot, small guttural sounds of pleasure reverberating from his throat as he kissed her. His hips had moved against her, his hand tightening on her head as he held her in place.

With a frustrated groan she'd weaved a hand through his hair, tugging until he released her mouth. He'd stared down at her, his eyes burning with desire, his mouth open as he panted, waiting for her to answer the unasked question.

She'd reached for his belt, unfastening it and quickly opening his pants to her seeking hands. She'd pulled his cock out without much preamble. Stroked her fingers along his length then gripped him with one hand and cupped his balls with the other.

She'd smirked at him, licked her lips. Winked saucily.

He'd growled and pulled her to floor, pulling and pushing her skirt out of the way on the way down. Once he'd had her beneath him, he'd literally ripped her panties away from her body, his hands rough on her inner thighs, opening her for him, his lips and tongue wasting no time as he devoured her wet slit.

She'd moaned loudly at the first stroke of his tongue at her center. She'd cupped her breasts, squeezing and tweaking her nipples as he worked her over with his mouth, licking and sucking her sensitive intimate flesh almost frantically.

She'd gripped his hair in her hands, pulling his head closer and rubbing her throbbing arousal on his face. Begged him for her release. Pleaded for him to finish her off. Demanded that he fuck her as hard and fast as he could.

He'd used his mouth and hands to make her come twice before he finally gave in, moving up her body without an ounce of hesitation and sheathing his hard substance in her wet depths.

They'd thrashed around on the floor, arms and legs tangled, hands stroking and squeezing as he gave her what she demanded. His cock pounding into her, pushing her swiftly towards yet another orgasm.

She'd screamed with it. Nails raking down his back to dig into the firm flesh of his ass and she'd pulled her legs up, forcing him even deeper inside her. She'd pumped her hips, the sensation of her clit rubbing on the base of his cock drawing out the spasms of her body until he'd cursed loudly, gutturally. Felt the hot, tremor of his release inside her.

It hadn't been the romantic coupling of a fairy tale. It probably hadn't been romantic at all, just two like-minded people fucking on the hardwood floor of his living room. But it had been honest and real and it had meant something to them.

Or at least at the time it had felt as such.

Things had gone on nicely from there. She'd spent her four years of college as the other half of the quintessential perfect couple, and she'd never thought twice about where their relationship would end up. Never thought for a moment that they didn't have forever. Was perfectly content exactly where she was. With him.

By the time she'd gotten a job at the Daily Planet, they'd started to share everything. Living space, closet space, friends and family. There was never any talk of I, they referred to everything in terms of we and us, and both of them were happy with the honesty they maintained.

In almost everything.

There were a few things they didn't share. There were strange phone numbers that always remained ambiguous. Email accounts that remained secret and out of reach. Simple, unthreatening entities that no one cared to question because they just didn't matter.

Everyone had to have something private. Everyone needed a confidante, of sorts.

Chloe never knew who Jack confided in. Didn't care as long as Jack didn't comment on her choice of friends. There was nothing underhanded going on thus there was no reason for either of them to be suspicious.

Whether he liked her friends or not he always let her come and go as she pleased. That was her right and he'd never tried to control her.

Even when it came to Lex Luthor.

Chloe often wondered how she'd managed to salvage her friendship with Lex. Often pondered the irony of her last remaining link to Smallville. Even after everyone else had deserted nostalgia, she and Lex had always remained the same. There was no mystery behind their actions and reactions. They both stuck to the basic elements of their individual natures, no matter what the consequences.

And it just happened that Jack disliked Lex as much as Lex disliked Jack.

At one point Chloe considered it a ridiculous cockfight between two people who simply wanted the best for her. Then this shifted to complete annoyance at not being able to share her life with her two favorite people at the same time.

Lex never said anything outwardly offensive about Jack, just stated that he didn't trust him and never would. Told her that the only constant in her life was and always would be him. Jack can go fuck himself.

And Jack pretty much said the same thing. Almost verbatim, just with the names switched around to suit him. It was stupid, but unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Eventually Chloe's annoyance shifted to mild amusement. She loved Jack and she loved Lex, but she didn't love Lex the same way she loved Jack. Jack was her lover. Lex was not. And she hadn't thought of Lex in a sexual way for years.

At least not seriously.

She tried not to think about it too much because in the end wondering why and how they remained friends seemed unimportant. It just was and there was nothing to be done about it. Both men accepted the other because they had no other choice. Deal with it or beat it.

Eventually Chloe and Jack ended up at the altar – or, to be more specific– a 24 hour "church" in Las Vegas.

Their elopement had been swift to say the least. She'd randomly mentioned something about marriage and Jack had jumped on the idea. He'd talked her into it quickly, stating that he loved her and wanted to marry her more than anything else in the world.

And she'd fallen for it more quickly than she liked to admit. Even to herself.

They'd flown to Las Vegas the very next day and returned a few days later, Jack to a now overloaded work schedule and Chloe to a very irate Lex.

She'd met Lex for lunch the day after their return, the pinched look on his face telling of his opinion of her recent nuptials. He'd been furious. So furious he almost couldn't even speak to her. Barely said anything at all, just made it known that he's wished she'd have mentioned it beforehand. Maybe then he could've had the chance to tell her something that might've changed her mind. Then she wouldn't have gotten involved in something she might not be happy about being involved in.

_Everyone has their secrets, Chloe, even your beloved fantasy of Jack._

He'd refused to elaborate on what that something might be because it was too late for that. What was done was done; so be it.

He'd left before lunch was over and she'd been relieved. Couldn't take anymore of the fake politeness. Wanted her old Lex back. Was crushed when she couldn't think of an easy way to get what she wanted.

That had been just a few weeks ago.

It was earlier that morning when the other shoe had dropped. In the span of a few brief hours Chloe's potentially perfect life had taken a serious turn for the worst. It had seemingly disintegrated right before her eyes, like a nightmare unfolding. Jack had called her the evening before, told her that he had to work late, that he might even be gone all night. She hadn't thought much of it, was used to his job taking him away for days at a time, so she wasn't worried or concerned at all. That's why she was so shocked when she opened her door to several uniformed police officers. Thought she might pass out when they told her they thought her husband's body had been found during the night and they needed her to ID the body. She'd numbly followed them outside, got into their car and let them take her to the morgue. Prayed that it wouldn't be him, all the while knowing in her gut that it was over. Her fairy tale was irrevocably shattered. Gone. Chloe gasped as she entered the morgue, the vision before her almost that of a dream. She'd wanted to call him. Had dialed the number several times on the way there, but had changed her mind and closed the phone before it rang. Couldn't even begin to imagine what he was doing here. He walked towards her as soon as he saw her, pulling her into his embrace. "Chloe," Lex said softly, tightening his arms around her. "I've been waiting for you." She tensed, her need for the truth warring with her need to be comforted. "What are you doing here, Lex? How'd you know I'd be here? What's going on?" Lex pulled back some, keeping his arm around her shoulders comfortingly. "I'm rather well-known in Metropolis, Chloe, and most of those who know me know that we're friends. The police chief called me and asked me to come in. He didn't think you should be here alone" That made sense to her so she didn't press him. Instead swallowed past the lump in her throat, asked. "Is it him? Is it Jack?" He didn't respond immediately, just tightened his hold on her and squinted. "You're his wife, Chloe. You have to ID the body." "What if I can't? What if I'm not strong enough?" she was shaking now, the only thing keeping her on her feet was Lex's strong support beside her. Lex gathered her closer, let her sag against him. "Then I'll help you." She nodded, her throat too clogged with repressed fear to speak. She leaned on him as he led her across the room and through a doorway. Gripped his wrists in her shaking hands as they stopped in front of a television screen. "What's going on?" she asked breathlessly, the screen confusing her. Wondered where her Jack was. "They're going to show his face on the screen." He answered quietly, his hands rubbing her shoulders reassuringly. "You should be able to recognize him enough that way." "Why can't I go in? Why can't I see him?" she felt overwhelmed and afraid. Wonders if the bile will make it up her throat. Wonders how it will look spattered on the wall in front of them. "Chloe," Lex's voice is strained, his grip on her tightening to the point she's sure she can hear her bones creaking. "You don't…just trust me on this…you don't…" He shook his head, and she looked up at him, the tight thin line of his lips telling here everything she needs to know. She wanted to scream. To lash out at anyone and everything. Wants for someone to wake her up so she can go home. "Ms. Sullivan?" She's startled, her eyes flitting towards the sound of the voice. She never had a chance to change her name. Wasn't really sure she would anyway. The screen lights up and suddenly she's gaping at an ashen face. A face she's seen take on so many different emotions she thought she should be more prepared for this. She's not. She's breaking. "Oh God," she whimpered, her knees giving way completely, leaving her at the mercy of the strong arms around her. "Oh God, no. No…no…no…no…no…no…" She can't stop saying it, just continues to stare at what's left of her husband's face, the words continuously falling from her quivering lips. "Ms. Sullivan," the voices repeats. "Is this your husband?" She can't bring herself to say it. Just keeps repeating her mantra of denial, keeps leaning on Lex, pretends that her entire world is crumbling before her. She can hear Lex behind her, feels his breath on her hair as he whispers nothingness. She tried to stand up on her own, to support her own weight, but her legs refuse to respond. Lex's hands continued to hold her, to help her. Her solid link to reality. "It's okay, Chloe," Lex whispered. "Everything's going to be okay. Just let it out. I've got you. Just let it out. I won't let go." She heard a strange humming sound, looks around, tries to place where it's coming from. Realized too late that it's coming from somewhere inside her. Realized she's falling just as her world goes black. 


	2. Chapter two: depth and breadth and heig

**Chapter Two - depth and breadth and height**

_You see we're tired, my heart and I.  
We dealt with books, we trusted men,  
And in our own blood drenched the pen,  
As if such colours could not fly.  
We walked too straight for fortune's end,  
We loved too true to keep a friend ;  
At last we're tired, my heart and I._

There's a voice thundering in her head.

And it won't shut the fuck up.

She squeezed her eyes shut and flailed her hands out, wanting to push the sound way. Almost giggled as she connected with something solid and the voice cursed in response. Wondered how hard she'd have to strike to get them to leave her alone.

Strong hands grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her, "Chloe!"

She frowned, shook her head, managed to mutter, "Leave me 'lone…" flailing her arms out again, slightly disappointed when she didn't connect with anything solid.

The hands shook her again, her name thundering all around her, "Chloe!"

She groaned loudly and opened an eye partway. Saw Lex's face as her vision started to focus. Croaked, "What happened?"

Lex exhaled loudly, "You fainted."

"Oh, that's strange," she murmured groggily, heaving her upper body off the floor as she sat up.

She looked around dazedly. Slowly began to remember where she was. Why she was there. Felt a stabbing pain in her chest and tried to curl into herself, wanting to lay back down and hide from the ugly reality of her life.

But Lex was there, pulling her closer to him, letting her lean on him once again.

Her eyes burned, the hot sting making it almost impossible to blink. She wanted to cry. Found she just wasn't able to. Felt like the tears evaporated before leaving her eyes.

None of this felt real to her. Everything seemed foreign and unnatural and she just wanted it all to go away. To start the day over again, and have everything be different.

Knew that it was impossible. Knew she had to face it. Knew she had to pick herself up and move forward. Needed to find answers.

She took a deep breath, pushed against Lex's shoulder, "Help me up, please."

Lex eased away from her and slowly stood up. Helped her to stand, keeping his strong hands at her waist as she steadied herself. Asked quietly, "You doing alright?"

She wanted to scream at him, to rant and rave about never being alright again. But instead she nodded, replied, "I think so. I'm a little shaky, but I'm okay."

Lex eyed her skeptically. He knew her too well to actually believe her, but he didn't argue or contradict her. Just kept a hand on her as she straightened her clothes. Glared at everyone who dared raise their eyes from the floor.

She appreciated Lex's presence, didn't know what she'd have done if he hadn't of been there for her. But she had to wonder how he ended up there. Had to wonder why he seemed to know more than she did. Knew he was going to tell her, one way or another.

"The authorities would like to ask you some questions," Lex murmured. "If you're up to it, of course."

"No," she stated firmly. "I'm not answering any questions until I get some answers of my own."

Lex turned to the man waiting by the door, "You heard her. She gets some answers or mum's the word."

The man nodded then turned and walked away. He looked grim, his mouth a thin line as he left the room. And those who followed him had the same look. Disgusted. Annoyed.

She wanted to scream at them, to scratch the ugliness right off their faces. To make them bleed. One-by-one. 

She couldn't even fathom what she might've done to earn those looks. Had absolutely no idea what was going on. Had no idea how any of this had happened. There was nothing at all she could think of that would explain why her husband was lying on a slab in the morgue.

She was almost surprised at how quickly her grief was assuaged by the onslaught of her anger. The painful sorrow that had been churning inside her suddenly shifted and she found herself to be irrationally pissed off. She wanted answers and she'd have them. Now.

Chloe stepped back from Lex and straightened her shoulders. She lifted her head, her jaw set as she cut out, "I want to see him."

Lex frowned slightly, "Chloe, I don't know if that's a good idea…"

"I don't give a fuck what you think right now, Lex. I want to see him and technically that's my right as his wife."

Lex watched her for a moment, indecision clearly written on his face. It aggravated her even further. Made her want to punch him, to knock the pity off his face and make him see she could handle the pressure.

Said firmly, "Now, Lex. I want to see him now."

He nodded, grasped her by her elbow and turned them towards the door. He walked briskly, pulling her along, not giving her a chance to change her mind by taking a slow, ominous stroll down the bleak passage of Hell.

She thought some color would do the place good. People die everyday, so there's no reason it has to be so uninviting. At least give the mourners of loved ones a final pretty picture before having to face their nightmare.

Lex stopped near a doorway located by the same wall she'd envisioned vomiting on earlier. The television was now black, as blank and shiny as the canvas of her mind. She stared at the wall, envisioned smashing through it. Wondered how'd they reacted if she shattered right before their eyes.

Lex put a hand on her arm, reassuring her silently then moved to speak quietly to the man standing by the door. A man who became uglier and uglier with every passing second. His otherwise attractive features seeming to shift with demonic precision.

Chloe blinked, frowning as the man became increasingly angry. He was speaking harshly, his hands moving frantically. If she concentrated hard enough she saw his breath in flames, his words spewing forth acidic filth, devilish horns shooting out from his temples to spear Lex to hell.

Panicked, Chloe rushed forward, stepped between the two men and placed a staying hand on Lex's chest. She eyed the man accusingly, spat out, "Don't you try to dictate my actions. I want to see my husband's body and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. So either you do as I ask now or I'll call my lawyer and we can see what a judge has to say about it."

The man recoiled visibly, the fire and filthy demonic persona seeming to disappear in a flash. She could still smell him though, the sulfuric stench rolling off of him in waves. She covered her nose and mouth with her hands, refusing to gag as she wanted. Refused to give in to the urge to shy away, to run; to hide from something she just didn't understand.

Finally the man nodded, opened the door and motioned for her to enter. She let her hand slide down Lex's front until she could grip his jacket. Used her hold to pull him in after her. Didn't want to face it alone.

The room's cold, the artificial light making it seem even colder. Chloe started as the door latched behind them, the movement causing her grip on Lex's jacket to slip. She whirled around, afraid that he wouldn't be there; afraid that she'd accidentally lost her last grip on her last link to reality. 

Breathed a sigh of relief as she collided with his chest, gripped his jacket with both her hands as she gave herself a few moments to get it together. Finally took a cleansing breath, ridding her self of the acrid stench that lingered in her sinuses. Slowly turned to face her nightmare.

He was laid out on a large metal table, a sheet covering him from the shoulders down to his ankles. He looked ashen and waxy, his normally silken hair seeming to be like straw. His eyes were closed, his face turned slightly towards her, his lips open and blue.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she slowly approached him. She had to count out the steps, instruct herself – one, two, three; keep moving, don't stop. She tried not to clutch at Lex, tried to be strong and not lean on him. She was the one who'd insisted on doing this; she should at least be able to stand on her own as she did.

Knew she really didn't have the strength. Let Lex push her forward as she leaned back against him. Was so very grateful to have his strength behind her.

Upon closer inspection she knew why Lex hadn't wanted her to see Jack. Almost wished she'd listened to him as the full impact of his death slammed into her. Took her breath, ripped out her heart. Nearly crushed her completely.

She gasped loudly then found herself unable to take a breath. Quickly turned around, hiding her face against Lex's shoulder. Gasped brokenly, "Oh God…Oh dear God…"

Lex wrapped his arms around her, held her tightly, murmured, "I know, Chloe. I tried to tell you…"

She sobbed and the sound came out hoarse and sorrowful. But there were no tears. Everything was still too much for that.

"Do you want to leave?"

She shook her head, "Not yet. I'm here. I have to do this."

She pulled away from him, turned slowly to face the table. Forced herself to keep her eyes open and take in the sight of her dead husband. Her Jack.

She was so confused and angry she didn't know what to think. From the sight of him she knew this was intentional. That someone, for some unknown reason, had wanted Jack dead.

She could see where blood had seeped into the sheet, sticky red spots vibrant on the white fabric. Saw a line of red at his neck. Could barely take her eyes off the tag dancing merrily from his toe.

She had to see. Had to see what had happened to him. Couldn't bear not knowing.

She stepped forward, raised a hand towards the sheet. Gasped softly as Lex's hand came up and grasped hers, said "Don't Chloe. If you really want to see, I'll do it."

She nodded curtly, before she could change her mind. Held her breath as Lex pulled the sheet down, down, down to just below his waist. Her hands shook as she reached out, placed one finger against his arm. Recoiled sharply at the cold, waxy feel of him under her finger.

There was nothing left. He wasn't there.

He had deep gashes all up his front, from his lower abdomen, up his sides, all along his chest. Someone stabbed him. Repeatedly. Someone angry enough to stab, stab, stab until there was nothing left to kill.

There's a long gash along his neck, from one side to the other, a bigger hole on one side where the knife was turned viciously. To cause more pain when it was already too late. As if they tried to create an ideal grace with the end of being.

"What are all the discolorations?"

"Where he was beaten. Before and after he died." Lex answered grimly.

Chloe shuddered uncontrollably, "Why? Why would someone do this to Jack? He never did anything to anyone. How could someone do this?"

Lex didn't respond, just gazed at her sympathetically, said quietly, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. I've seen enough."

Lex grasped the sheet again, this time pulled it up, up, up over his head, covering his face, hiding him from view. The rich finale of his end game.

Lex stepped closer to her, put an arm around her shoulders and turned her towards the door. But this time she walked with him, each step automatic, nothing pushed or forced. She stood up straight, held her head high and moved forward.

She felt different. Revived. Ready to go to battle for the truth.

There were two men waiting for them in the hallway. They wasted no time, one of them immediately stepping in front of her, "Ms. Sullivan, would you be willing to answer some questions for us now?"

Willing to answer questions? Sure. Willing to answer them clearly? Fuck, no. She didn't owe these assholes anything. She'd be damned if she'd help them find something against Jack. At least not blindly. Not without knowing the truth first.

Chloe nodded, making sure she appeared impartial as she replied, "Yes, but only if Mr. Luthor can accompany me."

The two men looked at each other, quickly coming to a silent agreement as one walked away and the other turned towards them, "That's fine with us, Ms. Sullivan. Please follow me and I'll take you to a private room."

They walked further down the hallway, stopping at the elevator. The man pressed the button then stood back to wait. Chloe swallowed painfully, the knots in her stomach tightening further as the elevator dinged closer.

Lex must've noticed the look of distress on her face because he said tightly, "I think it would be best if we took the stairs."

The man looked at Lex strangely, must've known that there was no arguing with him because he immediately moved towards the door to the stairwell. They started upwards and Chloe breathed a silent sigh of relief as she slowly moved higher.

If they'd been headed the other direction, she wouldn't have gone. There was no way she'd let this man lead her deeper in the Earth. Unreasonable or not, she couldn't get the thought of the fires of Hell out of her head. Could still smell it.

By the time they exited the stairs, Chloe had counted five floors. Since the morgue was located in the basement, that meant they were now on the fourth floor. What a difference those in-between floors made. It wasn't colorful or cheery, but it was a far cry from the miserable grayness of the morgue.

They walked across a large room, weaving around desks and uniformed policemen. The man stopped in front of a nondescript open door, stepped aside and motioned for them to enter ahead of him.

_Always so chivalrous, the keepers of the dead._

She walked in ahead of Lex, stopping short when she saw a man standing by the table in the middle of the room. She resisted her urge to turn around, to make haste away from his filth.

"Please, have a seat Ms. Sullivan," the man said pleasantly. "My name is –"

She put her hand up, interrupting him. "I don't care who you are." She said stonily. She was afraid to hear his name. Didn't want his name to remain as a stain on her psyche. Would rather think of him as the ugly man because to her that's who he was.

He eyed her warily, but stayed quiet. The hard glint in his eyes seeming to stare right through her. Scarring her, taking microscopic pieces of her and feeding off of them.

She sat down, keeping her gaze steady on the man in front of her as Lex sat next to her. She recognized him as the morphing agitator from earlier. He looked congenial enough now, but she knew it wouldn't last. Wanted to watch as the demon was revealed. Wanted to catalogue his reactions for future use.

"Ms. Sullivan, how long have you known Jack Jackman?"

She smiled wistfully, "I laughed the first time I heard his name. Jackson Jackman. I thought it was the funniest name, but I couldn't figure out what would possess someone to do that to a child."

The man looked at her coldly, a faint wisp of smoke streaming from his nostrils, "Just answer the question, Ms. Sullivan."

"Not long enough, I suppose."

He squinted at her, impatience already evident as he continued, "Do you know what he did for a living?"

She sighed, her voice pensive as she responded, "I always wondered if he was any relation to Hugh, but he never gave me a straight answer. Maybe he thought I'd be disappointed that he wasn't. Or, if he was related, perhaps he was worried I'd try to make a play for Hugh. He is quite…delicious, you know…"

The ugly man frowned at her, the acidic reek intensifying, "Ms. Sullivan, do you know what Mr. Jackman did for a living or not?"

She snorted, "Of course, he worked, like everyone else in the world."

Lex rubbed a hand over his face, leaned closer to her, whispered, "Were you planning on actually answering any questions or were you planning on just fucking with him?"

She didn't respond. Just kicked him sharply under the table, her expression neutral and unrevealing. Smirked inwardly as he flinched slightly.

The ugly man eyed her crossly, "Ms. Sullivan, how often were you and Mr. Jackman intimate?"

She tensed, managed to keep her voice even as she replied, "I don't see how that's any of your damned business."

He leaned forward, his red eyes seeming to burn a hole right through her, "What are you hiding?"

"I really wouldn't know." she replied almost affably, rather enjoying the annoyed expression on the ugly man's face.

Chloe started as Lex stood, grasped her arm tightly and pulled her up beside him, "I think that's enough for today. We'll set up another meeting after Ms. Sullivan is feeling better."

Chloe opened her mouth to respond, to tell him to mind his own business and leave her alone. Wanted to feel in control, thought this was the only way she could.

But Lex's cold gaze made the words catch in her throat, and she deflated, her hostility dissipating with every step away from that vile room. That despicable, ugly man.

Lex didn't say anything to her as they left the building, just steered her towards his car and then opened the door for her. She sat down without being told, wondered what she had done to make Lex so angry. Really knew already, but wanted to deny she'd done anything wrong.

Only managed to keep her curiosity at bay for two blocks then she hissed, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Lex's scowl deepened, his grip on the steering wheel tightening until his knuckles turned white. Ground out, "What the fuck did you think you were doing?"

"What do you mean what was I doing?" she cried angrily. "I was answering their damned questions!"

"Bullshit, Chloe. You were playing with them and enjoying every minute of it! Did you ever stop to think that maybe this isn't the time to be playing games?" He was really angry now, his face and neck tense with it, his hands on the wheel becoming jerky.

"What the fuck was I supposed to do," she seethed. "Just answer their questions without any idea of what they're looking for?! Would it have been better to inadvertently incriminate myself or jack or even you simply because I went into an interrogation blind?!"

"Interrogation?! What the fuck are you talking about!? They just wanted you to answer a few basic questions!"

"Basic questions, my ass! They're obviously head-hunting, Lex, and I'll be damned if I'm going to make it easy for them!"

Lex started to say something then hesitated. Closed him mouth and stared at the road ahead of him. Asked tightly, "Do you want me to take you home?"

She sat back in the seat, suddenly afraid. Whispered, "No. I don't want to go home."

Lex didn't respond, just turned the car away from her place. Drove silently. Didn't even look at her.

She wanted to talk to him. Wanted to know that he wasn't really mad at her. Needed reassurance that he wouldn't leave her alone.

Finally broke down, asked, "Where are you taking me?"

Lex peered at her briefly, almost smiled at her, "Where do you think I'm taking you?"

She shrugged halfheartedly, without looking at him. Felt unsure and childlike. Wished she was stronger, like that of the strongest forged steel.

Lex sighed, reached out and took her hand. Squeezed reassuringly, smiled when she finally looked at him. "Don't worry, Chloe. I'm not going to leave you."

She sighed in relief. Sat back and tried to enjoy a few moments of silence.

Finally they arrived at Lex's penthouse. He parked, came around and helped Chloe out.

They took the private elevator – up, up, up – seemingly far and away from the veracity of what had recently happened. She felt tired, exhausted even. Knew it couldn't be later than early evening, but still just wanted to lie down and sleep away the world.

Lex must've noticed her fatigue. He simply retrieved two bottles of water from the small refrigerator at the bar, handed her one then led her out of the room. They walked to the far end of the hallway, entered his bedroom. He flipped the light on.

He turned to her, said, "You can stay in here. Use anything you need in the bathroom and don't hesitate to ask for anything that's not there. If you want to stay her for a while, I can retrieve some things from your place tomorrow. Or I'll take you, if you're up to it by then."

She nodded, "Thanks, Lex. I really appreciate all you've done for me today."

He didn't respond, just bowed his head slightly. Almost guiltily.

She wanted to talk to him. Wanted to grill him for whatever information he had. But she just couldn't. Not now. She's just too tired to handle it.

She stood in the middle of his bedroom, unable to move. Everything seemed so large and untouchable. It was all cold and fake and she felt as if she was freezing inside.

Lex eyed her worriedly, asked quietly, "Do you want me to stay?"

She hesitated only a moment, admitted, "Yes, if you don't mind. I don't want to be alone yet."

He nodded understandingly, "That's fine. I'll stay with you until you get settled."

She bit her lip, shifted uncomfortably in the large room, asked warily, "Would you mind not leaving at all? I don't think I could bear waking to more nothingness. I think it might break me completely."

Lex looked up at her, his gaze piercing and open, said frankly, "That might not be a good idea, Chloe. It's a well-known fact that I'm attracted to you and there are limitations to my selflessness. I don't want to give you anymore regret."

Chloe smiled at him faintly, chuckling somberly, "As if I could regret anything more at this point."

Lex gave her a grim look, "Believe me Chloe. There's always something left to regret."

She nodded slowly, asked, "Would you just lay with me then, for a few minutes?"

"Of course," he responded, toeing his shoes off and removing his jacket as he walked towards her.

He took hold of her hand, led her to the bed and urged her to sit. He stooped down, took off her shoes and deftly stripped her of her stockings. Looked up at her questioningly, "Do you want something to sleep in?"

She blinked, smiled awkwardly as she asked, "Can I have your shirt?"

Lex gave her a strange look, "My shirt? The one I've been wearing all day?

She nodded, feeling sheepish and silly, "It smells…familiar…"

Lex's brow furrowed, but he unbuttoned his shirt and handed it to her. Then turned his back so she could change, taking his belt off as he waited.

She stripped her clothes off quickly, tossing everything in a pile on the floor. Crawled into bed wearing nothing but Lex's shirt and her panties. Buried her face in the pillow and breathed in the comforting familiarity of her surroundings.

She heard Lex turn off the light, felt the mattress dip as he joined her. She turned her head towards him, reassured by his shadow in the dim room. Hoped his selflessness would last a little bit longer. Almost burst into tears as he physically gathered her close to his side, his arms anchoring her to him completely.

Neither of them said a word, they just breathed, each seeming to find some comfort in the nighttime sounds that enveloped them. He started to relax beside her, a long shuddering sigh rolling through him as he held her tighter.

Then things started getting louder to Chloe. The raspy sound of her breathing became erratic and she felt her heart pound in her chest painfully, her entire body all of a sudden shuddering with coldness.

Felt like she was going to come completely unhinged.

So she clung to Lex even tighter, her hand clutching his naked side, dipping past the band of his pants to clutch at his hip. Her leg came up, hooking over his legs as she squirmed closer to his heat. She burrowed her face into his shoulder, wiggling and squirming up until she could rub her face against his neck, her tongue snaking out to taste him.

He gasped softly, moved to leave the bed, had started to roll away from her, but she grabbed him, clutching at him even more desperately, using her position and weight as leverage to immobilize him. He struggled slightly, growled, "Chloe, stop it. You don't know what you're asking…what you're doing…"

She knew. She knew exactly what she was asking, what she was doing. But she felt like she had no other choice. She felt cold and dirty and utterly numb. Wondered if she was capable of feeling anything at all. Was totally desperate for some relief.

Had to know one way or another.

"Please Lex," she whispered sadly. "My heart is tired. It's almost as if I'm at the end of my being and I just need to feel…something."

He shifted away from her, still hesitating as he silently mulled over her words. She heard him breathe deeply, resignedly or perhaps determinedly. Then she felt him shift towards her, one hand scorching her cheek as his lips gently met hers.

TBC


	3. Chapter three: lost saints

**_Chapter three – lost saints_**

_How tired we feel, my heart and I !_

_We seem of no use in the world ;_

_Our fancies hang grey and uncurled_

_About men's eyes indifferently ;_

_Our voice which thrilled you so, will let_

_You sleep; our tears are only wet :_

_What do we here, my heart and I ?_

Chloe immediately responded to the pressure of Lex's lips on hers, opening her mouth and seeking his tongue without any serious prelude. She didn't want to waste any time. Just wanted to feel and be felt.

Her confusion was overwhelming, her anger and sadness enough to choke her. She had to do something, had to have something real in front of her before she lost it completely.

Was so very grateful Lex was willing to be that something.

She was relieved he hadn't denied her and she clutched at his sides desperately, worried that he might change his mind. Hoped her hands would anchor him to her. Would make it impossible for him to back away.

He leaned over her further and cupped his hand around the back of her head. Gave in to her silent demand and deepened the kiss, his tongue moving agilely along her lips and teeth then smoothly dueling with her own. He groaned softly, the vibrations erotic and sweet on her tongue.

But she needed more, needed it now. Didn't want to wait for anything.

She gasped into his mouth, opened her legs and pulled him closer, urging him on top of her. "Lex," she panted. "Please. I need you."

She felt him hesitate then shift over. Sighed as the hard bulge in his pants rubbed against her lower stomach. Squirmed higher, trying to rub her hot center along his clothed erection. Growled in frustration when he used his weight to keep her in place.

It was all too slow. Not enough. She needed more. Whimpered, "please…"

He growled lowly, reared up, loomed over her on his knees and hooked his thumbs in the edge of her panties, dragging them along her hips and down her legs. He stroked his fingers along her inner thighs, barely brushing the outside of her pussy as he moved back up her body.

His hands were everywhere, yet no where all at once. His eyes glowed hotly in the dim light, animalistic, lustful. He licked his lips, inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring as he smelled her. Her groin, her hip, her stomach, every part of her he could get to.

He leaned over her again, this time using one of his forearms to brace him self as he fondled her breasts through his shirt. He bent his head down, mouthed one breast until the fabric was wet then moved to the other. Gave it the same attention.

Chloe sighed in pleasure, her hands coming up to cup his head, pulling him closer to her. She groaned, silently urging him to greater movement, until his tongue, lips and teeth were working furiously and the intense pleasure became almost unbearable.

She squirmed beneath him, her hips bucking uncontrollably, her moans becoming louder and more urgent. She groaned in frustration, yanking Lex's head away from her breasts and trying to pull him on top of her fully. Wanted him between her legs. Wanted him to fill the empty void inside her.

Lex gazed down at her hotly, "Just relax, Chloe," he murmured softly, one hand still stroking her hips and stomach leisurely. "I'll take care of you."

She whimpered, spread her legs wider and bucked her hips. Wished he'd hurry up and just take her. Wanted to feel everything all at once. Couldn't bear the emptiness that was still echoing inside her.

Lex shifted and moved up her body until he was stretched out beside, still clothed and utterly in control. He kissed her cheek, brushed his lips along her cheekbone and kissed the corner of her eye gently. Nuzzled her sweetly, whispered her name.

One hand rested on her head gently, the other moved to his shirt, his fingers making quick work of the tiny buttons.

A feat Chloe was sure she wouldn't have been able to accomplish even with both hands.

He helped her shrug out of the shirt, tossed it to the side, then squeezed and fondled the full swells of her breasts. His hands on her skin different than that of his mouth through the shirt. It was hot and read and so intense Chloe gasped with it.

Lex shifted again, easing his arm under her neck and pulling her against him. He leaned down, kissed her deeply, wetly, and she returned the kiss with equal fervor. Felt like she might drown in. Almost hoped she would.

He tore his mouth from hers and kissed a line along her jaw to her neck. He nipped at her pulse point, his teeth and lips demanding and focused and she couldn't stop the hoarse moan that rose in her throat.

His other hand skimmed down her stomach, quickly parting her aching arousal. His fingers rubbed her clit lightly then moved lower, teasing her wet opening before dipping inside.

He pushed one finger inside her, used the heel of his hand to keep pressure on her clit. Kept repeating the same motion until she writhed underneath him. Then did it some more, only faster, harder.

Chloe gasped against his neck, her head cradled on his shoulder, allowing access to his pounding heartbeat. She could feel it pulsing strongly against her lips and she kissed it, her tongue snaking out as she bit down gently. She wanted to take him in, to feel that pulsing inside her.

Lex turned his face towards hers, slipped another finger inside her. Pushed in as far as the position would allow. Moved his fingers as he massaged her clit with his palm.

She grunted, bucked her hips into his motion, intensifying the pleasure of his hand on her clit and his fingers inside her. Felt everything coalescing already. Felt as if she was going to explode.

She raised her face, one hand coming up to stroke the back of Lex's head and pull him down to her. She kissed him, her mouth open on his, her tongue hungry and yearning for more. She kissed him desperately, ravenously, pleading with him to push her over the edge.

He sped up the movement of his hand, the rhythm quickly becoming jerky and fast, and she adjusted the undulating of her hips to match his thrusting hand.

She felt the muscles in her stomach and thighs start to tense. Felt the hard pressure against her clit. The distinctive press of his knuckles along the inside of her channel.

Moaned into his mouth, shuddered against him, her inner muscles spasming around his fingers.

She clung to him, her lips quivering against his as she panted into his mouth. She shivered, the aftershocks of her orgasm extended by the continuous stroking of his hand at her center.

She finally came back to reality. Noticed the press of his hard cock against her hip. Wanted to touch it, to taste it. Knew it was bad, but wanted it anyway, perhaps even more so because of it.

"Lex," she whispered. "I know you want me. Let me –"

Lex shook his head, said gruffly, "Now's not the time, Chloe. I'm fine."

She reached for him, found the tight bulge in the front of his pants, "You're not fine. Please, let me take care of you. I want to."

She really wanted to do it. Wanted to cling to what little warmth there was in her life. Even if it meant things would be strange later on. At this point it felt worth it. Felt like the only choice she had left. Felt as if the end of ideals started at the ends of being.

Lex grasped her hand, removed it from his body then rolled off the bed. "I'm fine, Chloe," he said mildly then strode towards the bathroom. "Just try to get some rest."

And then he was gone, hidden behind the closed door.

Chloe frowned, rolled onto her side and curled up into herself. She felt angry and alone. Felt as if she might simply shatter and be gone. Almost wished it was that easy.

She knew Lex was trying to keep some semblance of detachment. She knew he was right in doing so and that technically he was saving both of them a lot of guilt and discomfort in the morning.

But she couldn't help but feel rejected and hurt. Couldn't stop the unreasonable feelings from crashing into her. Couldn't help but wish he'd stayed with her and let her have him. That he would choose an alternative other than her.

She knew what he was doing in there. Closed her eyes and pictured him, one hand braced against the wall, the other moving agilely along his cock. His eyes squeezed shut, a low groan leaving his lips as he brought himself to an efficient, yet cold climax.

She sighed heavily. Wished he'd let her take care of him even if she was grateful he was still thinking logically. She was a little over the edge of realistic, but he didn't have that excuse. Taking care of her was one thing, but his taking advantage of this would be another.

That would just be another end of another ideal grace.

He was merely being smart. It was nothing personal. He was just covering his own ass, per se.

She knew how much he wanted her. Knew what he wanted to do to her – with her.

But this knowledge didn't make her feel any better.

She remembered the first time his attraction had become noticeable. The first time she'd ever thought it was possible, and the first time she'd ever had confirmation that he really did find her to be an attractive woman, and not just his closest friend.

She'd never given the possibility much thought until one evening when she and Jack were having dinner with Lex and some random brunette bimbo. Jack had brought the topic up when Lex had finally given in to the whining of his prepubescent date and let her drag him out on the dance floor.

Chloe had thought the idea to be absurd and at first had laughed and told Jack he was nuts. There was no way Lex was harboring a secret attraction to her. They were friends and that was the long and the short of it. No one had any inappropriate feelings for anyone. Not at all.

Jack had looked at her suspiciously, told her she was obviously more naïve than he thought. He'd insisted that Lex was lusting after her, if he wasn't actually in love with her already, and she was definitely blind to not have noticed the signs before now.

She'd huffed in response, just in time for Lex and what's-her-name to reappear at the table.

So Jack did what Jack always did; simply asked Lex how long he'd been wanting to fuck his girlfriend.

Chloe chuckled in the dark room, hindsight adding humor to the conversation.

At the time it hadn't been funny at all. She'd been horrified and Lex had been obviously annoyed and ended up being quite chilly for the rest of the night. For the rest of their association, actually. Chloe was sure Lex had never really forgiven Jack for bringing it up.

His date, however, had remained stupidly indifferent due to lack of oxygen sometime during birth, which was typical of Lex's taste in woman at the time.

Beautiful yet utterly brainless.

The fact that Lex didn't even try to deny it had made Chloe a little leery, but mostly she'd just felt stupid. When Lex had opened his mouth to reply she'd expected some pithy comment on the ridiculousness of the thought. So when he'd actually replied bluntly, "Since she was fifteen," she'd been more than a little off-balance. She'd been completely shocked and was sure her facial expression had been right on line with that of ridiculous.

So she did what she always did when under such extreme pressure.

She'd laughed until tears had burned in her eyes and told him to quit fucking around because it really wasn't funny. Her shock had shifted to irrational anger when he'd coolly told her he wasn't fucking around at all; he'd been having serious lascivious thoughts about her for the better part of a decade and he'd been surprised it had taken this long for someone to notice.

That was when her amusement had shifted to anger and thus a furious argument had ensued about the shitty way he'd treated her when they'd lived in Smallville. She'd aired a long list of the terrible things he'd done to her, starting with his habit of ignoring her at every turn and ending with his disgusting fawning over the incessantly insipid Lana Lang.

Lex had pulled out all sorts of callous, master-minded excuses for the Lana Lang debacle, but they all ended with the same excuse about him not having many choices since she chose to treat him as if he wasn't anything more than a silly boy she associated with when she was bored.

He failed to mention, however, how often she must've been bored, since she was always conveniently around to save his arrogant, spoiled ass.

Jack, of course, had appeared rather proud of himself throughout the entire argument, undoubtedly because he'd been hoping this would be the straw that broke her back. He wanted Lex out of their lives and he'd thought that this might actually do it.

He'd been wrong though. The lustful revelation had only succeeded in bringing them closer because she finally felt as if the honesty barrier had been breached. She felt as if the air had been cleared and they could finally have a real friendship.

But Jack's ego had taken a serious hit when she and Lex started spending even more time with each other. He couldn't figure out why Chloe didn't believe Lex had an ulterior motive and he absolutely refused to believe that Lex was truly her friend just for the sake of being her friend.

And, in turn, Chloe couldn't get Jack to understand that since Lex had been man enough to deal with the attraction for so long without her knowing, he'd surely be able to handle it with the truth out in the open. Their relationship had taken a serious turn at that point and there was nothing that would change that; not even her love for Jack.

So they'd built on what they'd had for years before; friends, confidantes – nothing more, nothing less.

And Jack had hated every minute of it.

Chloe was never able to put her finger on the exact reason for Jack's dislike of Lex. Or Lex's dislike of Jack, for that matter. For some unknown reason the two of them could not get along and no matter what Chloe did, the resentment between them seemed to only grow. She wasn't sure if it was just jealousy or if they really just hated each other, but sometimes she'd wished that one would challenge the other to an old-fashioned duel and be done with.

Instead Chloe did the only thing she could do. She kept them completely separate.

She didn't keep the relationships a secret, since that would've been impossible, and she always answered direct questions as honestly as possible. But she never brought up one man to the other and she never, ever compared them. At least not out loud.

She'd only had one other conversation with Lex about his supposed lust for her. She'd asked for a definition of his feelings because she'd been afraid that maybe he was secretly in love with her, and she'd needed some reassurance that she wasn't unconsciously hurting him by remaining close to him.

At first he'd refused to answer, had actually rolled his eyes at her and told her not to worry about. He'd thought the entire conversation to be unnecessary and totally ridiculous. He was a grown man, perfectly capable of separating his cock from reasonable thinking.

If that was possible at all.

Maybe she should've accepted this as explanation enough, but her overly curious nature had demanded that she find out more. That she find out exactly what Lex thought of her, whether she liked his response or not.

It had taken quite a bit of goading on her part before she finally broke him. Then he'd snapped and without any warning he'd grabbed her by her arms, yanked her against his chest and whispered every dirty, lascivious word of it – directly into her ear.

And she'd been appalled by how turned on she'd been once he'd finished.

He'd let go of her and she'd stood there, mouth dropped open like an idiot. Completely unable to stop the quietest of whimpers that had fallen from her lips. Felt the heat in her cheeks.

He'd smirked at her knowingly. Backed away from her, his eyes locked with hers. Finally turned and strutted out of the room as if he owned the place.

The fact that he actually did own the place was irrelevant. She'd wanted to chase after him and kick him right in his arrogant ass. Had come very close to doing so.

Chloe had been mildly embarrassed by her reaction to his explanation, at least embarrassed enough to mention it to Melisande, her sole close female friend from college.

She'd barely made it through telling the specifics of the conversation before her so-called friend had been cackling at her obvious discomfort. She'd always commented on her belief that Chloe and Lex were having a torrid affair and this revelation only made it more amusing for her. Even if it didn't prove that she hadn't been entirely correct, she was at least partly so, and to her, that was enough.

But Chloe had been relieved when Melisande had finally confessed that even for those in a platonic friendship, arousal was a perfectly normal and reasonable reaction to such deliciously erotic images. And in the case of Lex Luthor, arousal was basically inevitable because the man just oozed unadulterated sex appeal.

She'd gone on to say that if Lex had whispered that kind of debauchery into her ear, she'd have jumped him on the spot and shown him exactly what her lips could and would do to his cock. She have shown him exactly what position would work best when wearing a tight, straight skirt and peep-toe stilettos and he'd learn in no time precisely how long he'd have to fuck her to earn the sound of his name on her lips.

By the time Melisande had finished with her shoulda, coulda, woulda list of things she'd have shown Lex, Chloe had been giggling helplessly. She could always count on Melisande to ease any thoughts of humiliation. Or, in some cases, just add to it, but this time that wasn't the case. And she was grateful for that much.

And so, the next time she'd seen Lex she'd managed to keep herself under control and the topic was never brought up again.

At least not through words.

The opening of the bathroom door snapped her out of her daydream. She watched Lex walking through the shadows, all his clothes gone except for his boxer shorts.

Breathed a small sigh of relief as he walked towards the bed and not towards the door.

Felt a little guilty that she'd doubted him even a little bit.

Lex pulled the blankets up from the bottom of the bed, got in beside her and pulled the covers up over their shoulders.

She didn't know she was cold until she was enveloped by the burning fire of Lex.

She remained quiet beside him, motionless, afraid to move for fear he'd leave her. She wouldn't blame him if he did. She was an emotional wreck and anything she did at this point would probably only bring further damage to their relationship.

Breathed a bigger sigh of relief when Lex's voice finally broke the silence. "Get over here," he said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

She whimpered quietly, scooted over towards him and draped her body over his. Felt as if she didn't deserve him. Didn't deserve the resilient, selfless man he'd worked so hard to become.

Was afraid that she'd ruin him and all the progress that he'd made just as easily as she'd helped him.

"Quit worrying about it, Chloe," he murmured reassuringly. "I've told you a million times; you always give me far more credit than I deserve."

She frowned. He always had a way of reading her mind. Sometimes was irrationally angered by it because she felt as if she had nothing left that was solely hers.

But not right now. At this moment she was glad for it. Was comforted by the fact she didn't have to ask for anything. That he already knew what she needed and was willing to provide it.

She poked him in the side, said teasingly, "You all set?"

He snorted, "You could call it that."

She giggled helplessly, grateful for the mild distraction, "Guess it's not every day you have to jerk off with a willing, naked woman in your bed, huh?"

He shifted, pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, "I'm fine, Chloe. Luckily, I'm quite adept at taking care of my own needs. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

Chloe swore under her breath. Slightly annoyed that he was that in tune with her thought process. Wished that it wasn't true so she could tell him his jerking off was of no concern to her.

Instead she just hmphed at him. Poked him again. Snickered as the sharp jab made him jump.

Lex chuckled softly, "Go ahead and pout. I can take it."

"I'm not pouting," she retorted. "I'm getting my bearings."

He didn't reply, just remained solid and warm beside her. His hand stroked her arm lazily, the other stroking the curve of her waist. His breathing was even and controlled and Chloe focused on it, tried to match her own breaths to his.

Heard every noise echoing in the steady thrum of his heartbeat under her ear.

She closed her eyes, gulped for breath, clutched at him desperately.

Could only see Jack's body on the metal table.

She opened her eyes, stared into the shadows and panted. Her eyes burned and she couldn't blink. Couldn't do anything but hold onto Lex and hope beyond hopes that she wouldn't fall apart. Couldn't bear the thought of shattering in front of him; of asking him to put her back together, one tiny fragment at a time.

He'd already done so much for her. Was afraid she'd ask too much.

Lex sighed, rolled towards her and wrapped both arms around her. He cupped the back of her head, drew her as close to him as possible. Said against her ear, "Just let it out, Chloe. You have nothing to hide from me."

She didn't want to break. Didn't want to give in to the extreme grief boiling inside her. Didn't think she'd be able to tolerate the kind of gut-wrenching anguish that was threatening to crush her.

Lex held her tighter, rocked her gently, whispered soft words of comfort against her hair.

And she barely even noticed that she was crying. Only recognized her tears as they began soaking his shoulder and chest, her face and hair. Felt herself being undone as her shoulders shook, grief ripping through her, until finally her entire body was racked with painful sobs.

She felt as if she was going to go mad with it. Wanted to run away from it. Wanted to hide and never, ever face it again.

She tried to pull away from Lex, but he tightened his hold on her, squeezing her to the point she thought she felt something snap inside her.

Felt the pain radiate through her chest.

Felt as if she was going to suffocate from the hurt.

Realized quickly that it wasn't anything physical, neither bone nor muscle nor tendon.

It was something deeper.

Something fragile and utterly destructible.

Felt a part of her self die.

TBC


	4. Chapter three part 2

(part two)

_She's running, her heart pounding in her chest. Her lungs are burning and the muscles in her legs ache with exertion. The cold, dampness of the Earth chills her to the bone and her fingers are numb, her nose dripping snot. _

_But she still hears the footsteps, hears him behind her, screaming her name. Tries to run faster, tries to force her body to react beyond what she ever thought she was capable of._

_She stumbles, her fearful cry sticking in her throat. She falls to her knees, scrambles forward until she's running again. Doesn't dare look back. _

_She runs and runs until she can't hear him anymore, but she knows he still there. She smells him, feels his hot breath on her back. Feels the icy prickles of fear racing along her spine. _

_Suddenly there's a figure in the shadows before her. She flinches inwardly, but remains on course. Not knowing if she's running away from the end or towards it._

_She hears her name again, this time a gentle whisper on the wings of a breeze. She stops, bends over, supports her hands on her knees as she laboriously pulls air into her tired lungs. She watches the figure, familiarity washing her calm as Lex steps out of the shadows._

_He gathers her close, protective arms enveloping her, pulling her back from the ends of being and whispering nonsensical words that weave through her consciousness. She's suddenly warm, burning up even; the reassuring pressure of his arms like a fire blazing all around her._

_He pulls her against him and the flames quickly intensify, razing her clothes from her body, leaving her naked and sweating and panting for breath. His mouth is on her neck, his lips and tongue and teeth sparking her pulse faster. Her nipples tingle, the firm swells of her breasts throbbing from the chafing contact against his now bare chest._

_She blinks rapidly, taking in his naked form, the ever-changing surroundings. Wonders what has changed to make things so clear in her head. She wants him with the pent-up want of years of wanting and she feels as if she might happily drown in the pleasure of it all. _

_But then he's all around her, his hands spreading the cheeks of her ass, gripping tightly. He lifts her up, pulling her body closer to his and her legs widen to accommodate his hips, wrapping around his waist and locking securely behind him. _

_He's pushing into her, sheathing the hard length of his cock in the warm clasp of her body. His grunt of pleasure reverberates through her, and he mouths the side of her neck hungrily. She leans her forehead against him, turning her face into his neck and tasting the proof of life beating there._

_She wraps her arms around his shoulders, one hand skimming the smoothness of his scalp before clutching him tightly. She's moving with him, her hips rocking with his movements, the slick slide of his cock in her channel sending shocks of sensation throughout her being. _

_She lifts her head from the haven of his neck, opens her eyes and gasps with needful anxiety. Jack's there again, watching from a distance. His eyes burn a hole through her and she whimpers, fear starting to overtake arousal as he glares at her. He looks maniacal, totally gone with rage, and he's closing in on them, face murderous and fists shaking frantically._

_She tries to jerk away from Lex, but his arms hold her in place. She closes her eyes, lets the motion of his rutting hips be her grace from the turmoil burning through her. She feels it building at her center, the imminent release she so desperately needs. Coiling, boiling, on the very brink of shattering within her. _

_She quakes with it, her head falling forward, her eyes opening slightly as pleasure overwhelms her and she's screaming and moaning against him. She bites down, tears and saliva intermixing on his shoulder as she spasms uncontrollably and it's bliss and agony all at once._

_Because Jack's still watching her. His accusatory gaze renewing and killing her at the same time. He's right in front of her, shouting vile accusations, each word a deep wound on her soul. He reaches for her, gripping her and yanking maliciously, trying to pulls her off of Lex, away from him. _

_But Lex doesn't let go of her. He holds her even more tightly and he's coming inside her, oblivious to the chaos around him. His eyes are squeezed shut, his nostrils flaring and his mouth falling open as he gasps with his release. He's saying her name, pleadingly, desperately, over and over again. _

_She feels hands all over her body, burning and scarring, relieving and healing. Each hand that of the end and that of the beginning. They're scratching and screaming and pulling, both trying to keep her, to take her, to possess her as their own. _

_For now she's falling, her stomach in her throat, the hot wetness at her center cooling along her inner thighs. There's no one there, the scars and burns and scratches a hot brand on her skin, unable to catch her, to stop her descent._

_She sees the ground, watches in calm horror as she falls rapidly towards it, the end of being stares her in the face, and she's laughing at an ideal grace that doesn't exist, that maybe never existed at all._

_Accepts it for what it is._

_Falls even faster._

Someone's shouting her name.

And they won't shut the fuck up.

"Chloe!"

She squeezed her eyes shut, made an incoherent noise of agitation. Tried to flail her arms out, but found them to be stuck between her chest and a hard body. She squirmed, burrowed her face into the heated body beneath her and whimpered.

"Chloe?" the voice softened became gentle and soothing. Strong arms tightened around her and she shifted closer, sighed as his warmth enveloped her. Inhaled the familiar scent of him and reveled in the calmness that surrounded her.

iLex./i

She remembered everything this time. There was no subtle shift into reality. It was all right there, staring her in the face. And no matter how much she wanted to forget, she couldn't get the sight and smell of it out of her head.

"What?" she finally managed to mutter, the word muffled against warm skin.

"You were having a bad dream. Are you okay?"

She opened her eyes, blinked against the darkness. She was sick to her stomach and her head pounded painfully, her cheek stuck wetly to his side and shoulder. She rubbed her legs together, annoyed by the familiar ache at her center, at the wet evidence still lingering there.

She wondered what kinds of noises she'd been making, if he had any idea what she'd been dreaming about. Wanted to ask but instead said quietly, "I'm okay now."

He rolled towards her and pulled her fully against him. "Are you sure? You sounded so frantic I wanted to jump into your head and save you."

She smiled faintly, "You're always trying to save me."

"I'm making up for lost time."

She frowned, asked, "Lost time?"

He's quiet for a few moments, cleared his throat, said, "I've treated you badly in the past, said and done things that were nearly unforgivable. I turned my back on you when you needed me and I promised I would never do that again."

He's feeling guilty again, about things that can't be changed. As if he's the only one who did nearly unforgivable things to those who might not have deserved it. As if she was so innocent in all of it.

"It's a two-way street, Lex," she responded. "I've done some unforgivable things too. It's all water under the bridge now."

He didn't say anything; just lay beside her, brooding.

She was used to this part of his nature. Had spent countless hours sitting beside him as he stewed in silence. Most of the time she was content to listen to the smooth maneuvering in his head.

But now it made her nervous. The silence seemed deafening. She needed something, anything, to take her mind off the silence. All she kept seeing was Jack on that table. The ugly man and his horns and fire and despicable questions. It made her chest and gut ache.

She needed something to take her mind off it. Something distracting and pleasant.

"Do you remember what you said to me?" she asked casually, though her heart was now pounding in her chest. "That last time I asked you what you wanted to do to me."

"Of course," he answered bluntly. "That's not something a man just forgets."

"Did you mean it?"

Lex groaned, "Come on, Chloe, let's not start this again."

"I want to know," she said almost pleadingly. "I need to know."

Lex grumbled under his breath, finally replied, "Yes, I meant it."

"All of it?"

He nodded sharply, so she felt him more than saw him. She knew he didn't want to talk about it, but she couldn't stop herself. Asked, "Which part did you want the most?"

Lex was growing tenser with every word she spoke. She felt his hands fist on her back, felt his growing erection against her stomach. Almost felt badly for torturing him, though not badly enough to quit of her own volition.

"Stop it, Chloe," he replied sharply. "The man you love, the man you've been fucking, the man you recently married, just died and I know it's tearing you up inside. I know you think any kind of distraction will help, but there's no way I'm going to take advantage of you, no matter how much you think you want me to. It wouldn't be right and in the end it would seriously interfere with our friendship – a friendship we've worked too damn hard to just throw away. If you still want to know later on, when all this is over with and you're feeling and acting more yourself, I'll tell you. But until then just let it go."

She sighed heavily, but remained quiet. Thought about forcing him onto his back. Of straddling him and taking what she craved. Of throwing her self into the flames and letting it consume her.

Hated to admit that he was right.

Leaned into him, silently.

Let the gentle stroke of his hands coax her back to sleep.

Chloe woke in stages.

Everything's dim and quiet. The only sound in the room being the steady heartbeat beneath her ear and the even breathing mingling with her own.

She's overheated and sweating. Her face sticking to the hot skin beneath her cheek.

She seems to be trapped. Strong arms hold her in place and the more she struggles the tighter the embrace gets.

The chest and arms are different than what she's used to. The arms not large enough and the chest too smooth. They're still pleasant to be near, but they're definitely not the same.

Chloe peeled one eye open, peeked at the chest she was resting on. She recognized it immediately, and not because she was that knowledgeable about what his chest looked like.

She recognized it because the lack of a blanket gave her an advantageous view of the small tattoo just peeking from the band of his low-riding boxers. She snickered, turned her face and smiled against his side. Giggled helplessly at the memory of that moment.

Was glad for the momentary respite from reality.

Lex shifted beside her, grumbled, "I don't know what you're giggling about, and in my current state of undress, I'm not sure I really want to ask…"

She giggled harder.

Lex sighed, muttered, "Fine, I'll bite. What the hell is so damned funny?"

Chloe just continued to giggle, unable to speak. She shook her head, finally managed to reach her hand down and pinched the tattooed skin sharply.

"Fuck, Chloe," Lex snapped, "What'd you do that for?"

Chloe hiccupped, managed to slow her giggles enough to gasp, "I was tweaking the cause of my amusement."

Lex raised his head from the bed, peered at her skeptically, "My groin area was the cause of your amusement? You really are a very cruel woman."

She tsked at him, poked him in the side. Stated, "You know very well I would never comment on such a…thing. I was referring to the proof of your debauched youth."

He let his head drop back to the pillow. Snorted, "i_My/i_ debauched youth? We both know that never would've happened you'd learned to keep your big mouth shut. All it ever did was get us in trouble."

Chloe huffed in outrage, "iMy/i big mouth?! If you'd learned any type of restraint I never would've made that bet in the first place. And furthermore you certainly didn't have to accept. That was entirely your decision and can only be blamed on your misplaced caveman tendencies."

Lex made a noncommittal sound. Ignored her.

She poked him in the side again. Hoped she left a bruise.

Lex flinched, grumbled, "Damn it, Chloe. Quit accosting me before I'm forced to retaliate."

She snorted, poked him again. "Quit pretending to ignore me and I'll quit accosting you."

"Quit pretending to not be at fault and I'll quit pretending to ignore you."

Chloe grumbled incoherently. She wasn't going to actually admit she'd been at fault during that particular debacle. It wasn't like she'd made him agree to the terms specified, that had been his choice and he's the one who accepted it.

The fact that he'd been saving her ass was irrelevant. It had been about time he'd had a turn savings her ass. She'd certainly spent enough time saving his.

So there.

Lex shifted beneath her, sighed, "I suppose we should get this over with."

'Yeah," she answered softly, but made no move to get up.

She didn't want to face the world yet. Was content to remain as she was, warm and safe in the arms of her dearest friend. Wondered how long they could stay here before someone came looking for them.

Was surprised when Lex's words echoed her thoughts, "Or we could just stay here and pretend the past twenty-four hours never happened."

She frowned slightly, said, "Sounds good to me, but it's not like you to put off something so important."

It wasn't like him to put off anything. He was a doer. He took charge and got things done. No matter how messy and loathsome the job, Lex was always the go-to man.

He snorted, "It's not like I enjoy breaking ieveryone/i. There are some conversations I'd rather put off indefinitely."

She felt her heart stop in her chest. Felt the coldness sweep up her limbs and pool in her gut.

She knew he had some idea what had happened to Jack, but she didn't want to accept it. Was scared that maybe he had something to do with. Or, even worse, that Jack had deserved exactly what he got.

"Putting it off won't matter, Lex," she said as calmly as she could muster. "You'll have to tell me eventually."

"I know," he replied quietly. "I owe you that much."

Chloe closed her eyes, the tone of his voice sending a chill up her spine. She knew it had to be bad. Knew that whatever had happened might even break her completely. Knew that she might not even have Lex when it was all over.

Sighed, "Would you rather just get it over with now?"

Lex was quiet for a moment, obviously pondering his choices. Finally said, "No. I need to get some facts straight first."

"Okay," Chloe replied mechanically. "Then when?"

Lex pulled away from her, moved his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly, said, "Later tonight. I'll meet you at your place and then I'll tell you what I know."

He stood, was half way to the bathroom when she asked, "Why not just meet here?"

He paused, turned towards her, said almost somberly, "Because you might not want to stay here once you know."

Lex's words had definitely bothered Chloe, but she'd done her best to ignore the ominous pulse in her gut. Ignoring apprehension was becoming easier and easier. With a little more practice delusional ignorance would soon be a part of her everyday existence.

When Lex reappeared from the bathroom, once again his polished, sophisticated self, she finally managed to drag her tired body out of bed. She'd allowed Lex to drop her off at her place and declined his offer to stay with her. Had dealt with the echoing silence of her apartment, ignoring the familiar sights and sounds that heckled her.

Wished she actually had an office to go to, so she'd have a reason to leave the dreadful place.

She felt better than she did yesterday, but that wasn't a great improvement. Yesterday she was a jumble of conflicted emotions and today she just wanted to bawl. Yesterday she was able to distract herself with the solid presence of Lex beside her and today she surrounded by her memories of Jack.

Chloe picked up a few things around the apartment and then sat on the sofa with a huff of disgust. She kept getting teary and emotional and she was getting quite tired of constantly blowing her nose.

None of this was supposed to happen. Jack was supposed to be with her forever.

Chloe sniffled, took a deep breath. Pulled a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose again.

Everything felt like a bad dream. Lex had told her he'd contact the authorities and find out when they thought they'd be ready to release Jack's body. Lex was going to contact the funeral home and get everything set in motion. So she had absolutely nothing to do. No purpose. Not a semblance of a clue.

She started when there was a knock at the door. She stood up, made her way to the door and looked through the peephole.

Melisande.

The redhead looked torn up, her eyes bloodshot, her nose an angry red. She'd obviously been crying, maybe hadn't slept at all.

Chloe opened the door, tears falling even faster as her friend stepped into the room and hugged her. They both cried, loudly, messily.

Chloe pulled away first, closed the door and silently walked into the living room. She sat down, not sure how much longer her legs would hold her.

Melisande sat down next to her and stared at her with worried eyes. Said brokenly, "Chloe…I was so worried…I called everywhere looking for you. Where have you been?"

Chloe blinked dazedly, replied, "I was at Lex's. I didn't want to be alone and coming here was just too much."

Melisande nodded, "I'm sure, but I wish you had called me."

"I'm sorry," Chloe said. "I would've called, but I wasn't really myself. I could barely function and if Lex hadn't been there, I don't know what I would've done."

"Don't apologize, Chloe. Of course, you weren't yourself. It was a terrible shock and I can only imagine the agony you're going through. I was just worried that something had happened to you too."

Chloe reached out and gripped her friend's hand tightly. "I'm glad you're here now. I was just about to go crazy sitting here by myself."

Melisande's face twisted, "I would've come sooner, but you weren't here and I didn't know where you were."

"How'd you know I was back?"

Melisande smirked, "I conned your downstairs neighbor into calling me as soon as he heard movement above him."

Chloe smiled back, "How resourceful of you."

"I learned from the best."

Chloe laughed, "I wouldn't go that far. My cons and schemes have been more of a hindrance than anything."

"Lex been giving you a hard time about that tattoo again?" Melisande asked knowingly.

Chloe snorted, "Only indirectly, and only after I teased him about it. Typically he'd rather forget it exists at all."

"He still doesn't know about yours?"

Chloe shook her head, "No. At some point I'll confess that I made good on that promise, but for now I like that he still dwells on it. Seeing that kind of arrogance sulk is more than amusing. I have to enjoy it while I can."

"True. I'm kind of sad I never get to see it for myself."

For some reason Lex didn't like Melisande either. He'd been perfectly nice to her at first, even managed to remain coolly civil for a lot of years, but recently his cool detachment had changed into something entirely different. Something cold and almost intolerable.

Chloe sighed, "I don't know what his problem is with you. He used to be so nice, but now I can't even mention your name without him getting really…icy. I even tried badgering him for an explanation, but all that accomplished was a quick end to an otherwise pleasant evening."

"Maybe he's jealous."

"Jealous," Chloe scoffed. "Of what?"

"I don't know," Melisande said. "People get jealous over the silliest things. Maybe he's jealous of my relationship with you."

"No, that's absolutely ridiculous. Lex knows that no one will ever replace him in my life."

Melisande rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I know. Lex is next to God in your eyes. We've all heard it all before, Chloe. And yet you still wondered why Jack hated him so much."

Chloe recoiled visibly. Her friend's words cutting and hurtful. She was a little confused about why Melisande would say something like that to her, especially at a time like this, but she wasn't going to just sit there and take it. Said coldly, "Melisande – we've known each other for a long time now and I've always valued our friendship and the things we've shared. But there is a limit on what you can and can not say to me. So I'm only going to say this once; do not speak of Lex or Jack in that manner ever again. Do you understand me?"

Melisande's eyes widened, worry and shock marring the smooth lines of her face. "I'm sorry, Chloe. I didn't mean for it to come out offensive and I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Chloe rubbed her hand over her face tiredly, said softly, "I know, I know. I probably overreacted."

"No, I should've been more careful."

Chloe made a dismissive gesture, "Don't worry about it. I'm just really upset and I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm kind of tired."

Melisande stood up, stooped down and hugged Chloe tightly, said, "Of course, of course. You should try to get some rest. I'll just let myself out."

Chloe said goodbye and watched her friend walk away.

Heard the click of the door. Felt it resonate all around her.

Wondered how everything had gone so wrong so quickly.

Something didn't feel right to her and it wasn't just Jack's absence. Everything felt strange and artificial and she couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something. Something important. Something crucial to the ends of being.

Chloe shook her head at her own paranoia then sighed and pulled the release that reclined the end of the couch.

She pulled a blanket off the armrest and spread it out over her reclining form.

Let her head fall back and closed her eyes.

Her last thought before she drifted off being why she never asked Melisande how she found out Jack was dead.

There's a voice whispering her name.

And it won't shut the fuck up.

She started awake, sat upright and looked around frantically.

The room's shadowed and dark, exhaustion and emotional turmoil obviously knocking her out for the entire afternoon. She reached over and turned on a light, blinking at the sudden glare that blinded her.

She stretched, grateful that her churning gut had finally settled down. Was surprised to find that she was actually hungry. Almost starving even.

Not entirely surprising, though, since she hadn't even thought about food since breakfast the day before and that had been rudely cut short. At this point, she's lucky she has any energy at all.

She yawned and stood up, made her way to the kitchen, flipping on lights as she went. Maybe cooking something would calm her, the domestic chore familiar and enjoyable.

She opened the refrigerator, scanned the contents briefly then began pulling things out. She put everything on the counter and then went to the pantry. Grabbed beef broth, garlic and ginger.

She dumped those items with what was on the counter then went about getting the pots and pans she'd need to cook with.

She took a breath, grabbed her chef's knife and a large head of broccoli. Began chopping mechanically, finding the mundane task to be reassuring and almost calming.

Until her hand accidentally got between the broccoli and the knife.

Chloe swore under her breath, the deep cut quickly pushing blood all down her wrist as she grabbed for a towel that wasn't there.

Chloe stepped back, looked around for the towel, but found nothing.

She suddenly felt overwhelmed and on the brink of tears. She took a breath, watched the blood bubbling out of the cut. Thought about reaching for the roll of paper towels on the counter, but seemed incapable, felt frozen to the spot.

And that's how Lex found her. Standing in the middle of her kitchen, bleeding, confused, and on the verge of bawling.

As if things could get any worse.

"Chloe!" Lex yelled as he rushed towards her. "What are you doing?!" He grabbed her by her bloody wrist and pulled her towards the sink. He turned the water on, muttering all sorts of nonsensical words of foolishness and rash decisions as he thrust her bleeding hand under the cold stream of water.

Chloe giggled. She couldn't help it. He obviously thought he'd walked in on her trying to slit her wrists and the idea was the silliest thing she'd ever heard. She was devastated by the loss of Jack, but she didn't want to literally die because of it. That pained feeling, the dying inside of her, she knew that was just an outlet for the loneliness she would be feeling now that he's gone.

And if she was going to kill herself, she'd do it right – the first time.

She had to wonder when Lex had becomes such a worrier. She giggled again.

Lex's head snapped up, "Chloe, there is nothing even remotely amusing about this."

"Lex," Chloe said evenly. "I would not kill myself, so get that ridiculous thought out of your head right now."

He glared at her, yelled, "Well, what the fuck am I supposed to think when I walk in to find you a millisecond away from a breakdown and bleeding all over yourself!?"

He pulled her hand out of the water, grabbed a bunch of paper towels and pressed them against the wound. His face was tense, his lips set in a stubborn line.

It made her mad.

"Well thank you, Mr. Luthor." Chloe said sarcastically. "The breakdown has officially been avoided and we can go on with the fucking party."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Lex seethed. "Repressing your emotions is certainly not the best way to handle this."

Chloe rolled her eyes, "This, coming from you? How very fitting."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what that means, so don't feign ignorance with me," she said huffily. "You, lecturing me about the dangers of repressing my feelings, as if that wasn't something you weren't an expert on."

Lex raised his brows at her, "Yes, you're absolutely right. I've spent most of my life repressing my feelings and look how well it's worked out for me."

Chloe frowned, "Shut up."

"No."

They stood glaring at each other, Lex still holding Chloe's wrist. He pulled the paper towel off her hand, bent his head to inspect the wound. "You're going t need stitches."

"I don't need anything. I'm fine," she said stubbornly.

"No, you're not fine, so quit pretending to be."

She wanted him to go away. To let her hand bleed wherever it would bleed and just let her be.

Knew that soon she'd have her answers. Was torn between wanting to know now and never knowing at all. Too a deep breath. Made a decision.

"Lex," she said tiredly. "Just get it over with and tell me."

Lex gave her a questioning look, asked, "Tell you what?"

"Why you killed Jack."

TBC


	5. Chapter three part 3

(part three)

Chloe hadn't seen Lex in two days.

She didn't believe he was ignoring her on purpose.

She knew he had a company to run, and that he had to take a few moments to ensure that business was running smoothly, and that things would continue to function efficiently in his absence.

He couldn't devote every second of every minute of every hour of every day to her peace and well-being, and she'd be wise to remember that in the future.

And she had no right to be upset about his desertion.

No right at all.

And that's exactly what she'd been telling herself for the past two days.

But today, she couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed. In fact, she'd spent the better part of the morning hiding under her covers. Sulking.

Which wasn't actually accomplishing anything, but she couldn't understand why he hadn't even called to check up on her and whether she liked it or not, her feelings were quite hurt.

Even if she's the one who pushed him away on the first place.

After she'd botched her line of questioning a few nights before Lex had immediately closed down and become rather distant. He'd given her a rather cool look then informed her calmly that he would take her to the hospital to get her hand stitched. Other than the faint tick in his cheek, it was as if she'd never even asked the question in the first place.

And she'd immediately wished she could take it back.

Not that it wasn't a valid question or anything – it certainly was. But she could've gone about it differently. Could've waited a bit longer and asked in a better way.

She couldn't really blame him for not answering her either.

If he'd asked her that kind of question in that manner, she'd have responded quite angrily. All he did was make sure her hand was taken care of and then disappeared without another word. It was non-reaction kind of reaction and it kind of made her nervous.

She'd been feeling sorry for herself ever since, only to feel even worse when the coroner's office had called to tell her they'd be releasing Jack's body and she needed to arrange for someone to pick him up. So now she had to go to the mortuary to make the final arrangements for Jack's funeral service and burial. Then she had to visit Jack's lawyer about his will.

She hadn't even known he had a will.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. She briefly considered going to answer the door, but then thought twice and decided not to bother. They'd go away eventually. She'd just pretend to not be home.

The knocking stopped and she heard the faint sound of a key in the door. The door opened, closed, and then she heard footsteps in the hallway. The covers were yanked off of her in a cold rush of air, and she yelped in annoyance. She'd been quite content wallowing in her little cocoon and she took exception to having it ripped away from her so suddenly.

She opened an eye and peered at Lex grumpily then mumbled, "Go 'way."

He gave her an annoyed look and asked, "Why aren't you out of bed?"

"Because I don't feel like getting up."

"Too bad," he stated firmly. "Now get your ass out of bed and get moving. We've got a lot to do today, and we don't have time for this."

She glared at him then picked up her pillow and placed her head underneath it. She really didn't feel like listening to his shit after he'd ignored her for so long. He had no right to barge into her home and boss her around as if she were nothing more than a petulant child.

She heard him sigh heavily then walk out of the room.

Good. The sooner he left, the sooner she could get back to her pity party.

She wasn't expecting him to haul her out of bed and drape her over his shoulder.

She screeched in outrage, her hands pounding his back as he strode down the hall towards her bathroom. She craned her head around, cursing as she saw steam billowing from the doorway. The arrogant bastard had only left the room to start the shower.

"Put me down, Lex!"

He slapped her ass in response. She was only wearing thin pajama pants, so the sting of his palm was quite effective. She quit fighting and lay limply over his shoulder. Hoped her added weight did serious damage to his back.

He bent down and stood her on her feet in the middle of the room then stepped back and eyed her suspiciously. He stared her down to the point she felt as if he was looking right through her, and she started to sweat in response, her heart beating painfully in her chest.

"What are you going to do? She asked peevishly. "Force me to take a shower?"

"I will do whatever I have to do in order to accomplish what needs to be done."

"Well you better get busy because I'm not doing anything."

He glared at her, shrugged his suit jacket off and then reached up and loosened his tie. The challenging look in his eyes was undeniable and she knew she was in trouble. He was going to strip down and bathe her himself if need be. She couldn't decide if the thought made her feel angry or sad. Or merely unacceptably aroused.

She straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin stubbornly. She wasn't one to back down. She'd made her bed and she'd lie in it one way or another. Foolish or not.

And part of her really wanted to see if he'd actually go through with it.

He had his shirt off and was in the process of unzipping his pants when she realized that he was completely serious and her heart clenched in her chest. He'd ignored her for days, pretended that she didn't even exist and that she didn't matter. And now he came rushing in as if he'd never even been gone.

She moved forward until she was directly in front of him, her finger poking him in the chest accusingly. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

He didn't stop undressing, just gave her a tired look and said, "I think the real question here is who the fuck do you think I am?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means, so don't play coy."

"You've been gone for days! You just deserted me as if I didn't matter at all and now you swoop back in here like you own the place! I don't work that way, Lex! Either you're here with me or your not, you can't have it both ways!"

His eyes widened, his pants hit the floor. His hands lifted, clenched into tight fists in front of her. He looked like he wanted to strangle her; his face a cold mask, anger simmering just below the surface as he pierced her with his gaze.

"Chloe," he said quietly. "You accused me of murdering your husband. You actually believed that I would murder him and try to cover it all up so I wouldn't have to tell you the truth."

"I didn't necessarily believe it!"

"Bullshit!" Lex burst out angrily. "You believed it enough to ask me why I did it, so part of you certainly did believe it!"

She stepped back, her eyes falling to her feet which she shuffled nervously. She knew he was right. Knew that part of her had immediately assumed that Lex had been behind Jack's death.

"Why shouldn't I wonder? It's not like you've never done such a thing before."

His eyes widened even more, until Chloe thought they'd surely pop out of his eyes sockets and bounce at her feet. She saw the vein start to pulse in his forehead, held her breath, the tension in her gut twisting to the point of pain.

"Anything I may or may not have done in the past is irrelevant." Lex replied stonily. "I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, including killing that no good bastard you married. If nothing else, I would've asked permission before having him taken care of."

"No goo—." Chloe stammered. "What are you talking about, no good bastard!? Jack was a good man, and you have no right to sully his name!"

Lex made an incoherent sound of frustration then said, "Drop it for now, Chloe, and just get in the fucking shower."

"No! I don't want to and you can't make me!"

She realized too late that he could. And he would.

He scooped her up before she could think about running, stepped into the shower and placed her under the hot spray of water. Pajamas and all.

She tried to move out of the water, pushing against his wet, bare chest as she sputtered, "Goddamn it, Lex, get the fuck away from me and leave me alone!"

He didn't respond, just pushed her back under the water and boxed her in with his body.

She rubbed the water out of her eyes, glared up at him and seethed, "I can't exactly get clean through my clothing."

"Then remove your clothing."

She saw the open challenge in his eyes, didn't know why she was suddenly embarrassed. It's not like he'd never seen her naked before. It's not like his hands hadn't been on her intimate flesh. Hadn't stroked her until she was moaning with pleasure.

But this was actually a little different. And it wasn't really the nudity that embarrassed her.

She sighed heavily, reached down and yanked the sodden top off over her head. It landed on the floor of the tub with a loud splat. She turned away from him and forced her pajama pants over her hips and down her legs.

He grabbed some shampoo and began lathering it in her hair. She scowled at the wall, said, "I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself."

"I know," Lex stated quietly. "But it's not something I've ever done, so just leave me to my deluded fantasies."

"You've never washed a woman's hair before?"

"No."

She wanted to question him further. Wanted to know how it was he'd never done something as inconsequential as washing someone's hair. Wanted to know if he'd ever really wanted to in the first place. Wanted to know her name.

She felt herself getting choked up, so she put her face in the water, managing gasping breaths through her open mouth. She moved to the side, shuddered, her hands coming up against the wall as she tried to control herself.

She felt Lex move closer to her, felt the heat of his body against her back. Tried to focus on his presence behind her, on the feeling of his fingers still massaging her scalp, of his hot breath on the back of her neck.

Tried to ignore the press of his hard cock on her rear.

Failed miserably and giggled a little on response.

"I'm glad you've found something to be amused about."

She bumped his groin with her butt, said, "You really need to learn to control that thing."

"Ignore it."

"But…"

"I certainly don't want to fuck you at a time like this, so just ignore it. It'll go away eventually.

She shrugged, "Okay…"

Lex sighed behind her, said, "I just want to get this over with, okay?"

"Which part."

"Pick one."

She nodded in agreement, "I know that feeling."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I am now."

Lex grasped her by her arms and turned her to face him, looked into her eyes and said, "I didn't stay away to punish you, Chloe. Something came up that I couldn't ignore and I figured it would be better to take care of it entirely so I could focus on you. I didn't mean to be gone for so long."

"I know. I'm sorry for being such a childish shrew. I just don't know how to handle all of this and I can't do it on my own."

He gave her a soft look, bent down and pressed a kiss against her forehead. "I know, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

She sighed and leaned into him for a moment before stepping back. She stepped to the side and let the water spray over him, ridding him of the shampoo on his chest.

He gave her a wry look, said, "Finish up in here. I'm going to dry off and get you a towel."

She nodded, grateful for a few minutes alone.

She felt better just knowing he was here with her. Had to wonder what it was about his presence that calmed her so. Didn't really care as long as he stayed.

He was waiting for her as she stepped out of the shower, his pants now back on. He handed her a small towel then started rubbing her down with the larger towel in his hands. 'Lex, you don't have to do that…"

"I know," he responded. "I want to."

She shook her head in amazement, murmured, "Whatever floats your boat, I guess."

He went about drying her, knelt down and dried each of her legs, his gaze heating her body as much as the towel in his hands. He paused, his hands stalling on her hips, his eyes riveted to her lower abdomen.

She held her breath, she'd forgotten about her little secret. Wondered if he'd say anything about the tattoo he never knew she'd gone through with. The silent apology she felt she'd paid for that one bout of trouble.

He frowned slightly then looked up at her.

Met her gaze and smiled faintly.

Leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her tattooed skin.

Apology accepted.

TBC


End file.
